April 8, 2000 ~ Tears at Night

10:30 p.m.

The ground outside is white, but yesterday it was eighty degrees Fahrenheit. Most people around here are really disappointed, but I welcome the change. I certainly don't mind if the stifling heat of another North Carolina summer is detained for a few more days. I'm just surprised that the snow is sticking and sad that it will probably be gone by midmorning tomorrow.

I have way too much work to do to be taking time to write an entry... but this has become a kind of therapy for me, something I look forward to. I have always meant to keep a journal... Busy-ness is not going to get in my way this time. I need this writing.

Louise Solomon, the Dean of Students, thinks that Morgan and I should be Residence Directors next year for one of the dorms. It won't hurt to try it out. Free rent in an apartment, some pay, a chance to make a difference, some control over our living environment, and no more having to move or put all our stuff in storage FOUR times a year (hey, when you have as many books as we do and only one small car to transport them in, that is a huge pain in the butt). It sounds like a pretty good idea, and we are both very responsible. It would be some extra work, but I think we could handle it, especially if we can share it. Oh, and that would also mean that we would be able to quit our jobs in the Café.

I have been feeling really guilty lately because I have so many people that I should have written to weeks ago, and still haven't. I need to write my dad, my grandmother, my mother, Suzanne, Tiffany... I didn't even wish my brother a happy birthday! Once I get behind on that kind of thing, I'm terrible. Ugh.

Friday evening I saw "Purposeful Discomforte," a production put on by some of the biggest clowns here at Wilson. All of the people in it are hilarious when they aren't on stage, so perhaps you can imagine what happens when you give them an audience. It was a great show, with skits and improv. It got a little slow at parts, but, for the most part, it was quite amusing.

On the way home, I heard that they were going to play Life Is Beautiful in the basement of my dorm shortly. I raced back to the room to get Morgan, because that is one of the best movies I have ever seen, and I certainly wouldn't mind seeing it again. (If you haven't seen it, you really should). When I got home, however, I found out that he, Li, and Philip had already made plans to watch Trainspotting instead... So I ended up seeing that. It was a very twisted movie about Scottish drug culture. Realistic. It certainly didn't glamorize the scene. Afterwards, around 12:30 a.m., we all walked slowly back to our dorm. It was a very warm evening; Li was barefoot with a thin skirt and comfortable (and then today, it snows). The stars were out, and it was quite gorgeous.

When I was about to go to sleep, Morgan quietly reminded me that I needed to work the next morning. I had completely forgotten, and, much to my surprise, I burst into tears. I had planned to spend all day today doing lots of homework, and I suddenly realized that I wouldn't be able to... It was just the last portion of all the stress pushing down, and my emotional restraint just snapped. I cried, and he held me until I cried myself to sleep.

So, that brings me to today. I catered all day, and my feet are aching. I still haven't done much homework. Got up, catered, showered, went to dinner, read some homework, and now I'm ready for bed. I had wanted to go to the drag show tonight, but I just don't have time. I am going to get plenty of sleep, so that I can work all day tomorrow. *sigh* This means I won't be able to go to Quaker meeting tomorrow, again. Someday!

It kind of scares me that I just burst into tears last night when I realized that I would be even more stressed out... I need to relax... I wish I had time for a break. Life is perfect for me now, just too busy.

I have been visiting the web page of an amazing young man, recently. Seriously, his personal page is the first male's personal page that has really touched me. All the other male homepages I visit are kind of vague and disconnected from their real lives... they don't tend to put their hearts into their pages. This one does though... But his page has been down for a few days now, and he hasn't returned the email I sent him asking if everything is all right... I am worried about him. It is so strange how attached I get to these people I have never really met... The Internet is such an interesting medium.

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